I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
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