I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
