You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
