what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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