If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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