Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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