So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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