Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
My penis needs a shock collar
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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