he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
