so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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