My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
