it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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