Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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