AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
