it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
