Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
