He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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