I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
