I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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