Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
