don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Randomize
