Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
