so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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