I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
