finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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