I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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