if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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