i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I fill condoms, not promises.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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