i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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