She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
