I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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