We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
