whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
