I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
