She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
