the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
