Apparently you make a good broom.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
