Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
