So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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