2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
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