oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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