but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
