Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
