I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
