She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Never underestimate the power of titties
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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