$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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