And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
