he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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