AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
we should paint friendship bongs
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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