Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
