Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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