turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
